Finally, I was confronted by my mother about my lack of faith. My parents are heavily involved in the Catholic church and I have been brought up through the Catholic school system, going to church every Sunday. And it’s been a very good experience for me actually. My parents are very religious, but without any of the negative stereotypes associated with very religious people. They rarely discuss religion in public, outside of church events, and are actually pretty cool and progressive. Everyone I’ve met in the church has been the same way. Everyone is kind, supportive, and generally fun to be around.
It is just that I do not subscribe to Christian doctrine. I’d say I’m currently hovering in between some form of pantheism and agnosticism. I’m not close to finding “truth”, but I do know that I do not buy the idea of a God so involved with earthly matters. Also, while I am pleased with my local church, and know that local churches are doing so much good in the world, I am not very happy with many church leaders, or well organized religion as a whole.
I never outwardly told my mother because I never saw a point, I still did not know exactly what I believed, so why make a fuss? But I knew it would happen eventually, and it really wasn’t that bad. But it did make me think. She didn’t try to make any faith-based arguments; it would have been easy for me in that case. She was just speaking about “having something”. Her parents both died earlier than they should have, and she talked about how the church helped her through that. She talked about several people I knew from the church that were going through tough times and how they are getting through it because they find comfort in their faith and support from the community. It’s not just about the faith, but it’s also not just about the community.
I’ve had an easy life, so I can’t relate to the need for such comfort and support, but it does make me wonder. Will I be missing something? I know I can find a community of kind, supportive people, but is it the same as being able to walk into any Catholic church across the country and knowing that you are witnessing the same mass that is being held all over the world? It just made me think, and it made me want to find something bigger than myself.